Results tagged ‘ new year resolutions ’

Phillies 2013 New Year Resolutions

In what has become an annual tradition, I usually post New Year Resolutions for Phillies fans at about this time.  But it seems that as a fan base, most of us do seem to have our act together.  As for the 2012 Phillies team, the same cannot be said.  They need some serious help.

So this year, I would like to propose a set of New Year Resolutions for the team instead:

Jimmy Rollins – I resolve to stop swinging for the fences and hitting pop-ups.  I will stick to line-drives and grounders.

Roy Halladay, Chase Utley & Ryan Howard – We all resolve to be healthy, productive members of this team!  No more bum shoulders, ankles or knees!

Kyle Kendrick – I will not mope when I feel disrespected and just keep pitching.  I will put on my big-boy pants and wear them all year long.

Carlos Ruiz – My goal is to repeat my 2012 performance, without the performance-enhancing ADHD pills, thereby regaining the respect I lost after getting suspended.

Ben Revere – I resolve to hit my first major league home run in Citizens Bank Park.  If Juan Pierre can hit a homer here, then so shall I!

Ruben Amaro Jr. – No matter how tempted I am to save money, I will not sign former Phillies relief pitcher Ugueth Urbina.  Yes, he paid his debt to society.  However, he did attempt to murder 5 ranch hands by setting them on fire and chopping at them with a machete.  Perhaps we should pass on this one.

Domonic Brown – I resolve to reach my full potential this year and prove I belong in the big leagues, preferably by May.

Mike Adams – I resolve to be fully recovered from surgery and return to my All-Star relief-pitcher form in order to be deemed worthy of my giant $12 million contract.

Charlie Manuel – I will go out on top this year!  World Series or bust…

I wish you all a safe and happy New Year!

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Philadelphia Phillies Fans 2012 New Year Resolutions

Having baseball withdrawal yet?  Me too.  But it is never too soon to begin thinking about the upcoming baseball season.  Anytime a new season is on the horizon, the chance to start over and hopes of success in the coming year breed anticipation.

It is this time of year that Phillies fans should sit down and make a practical list of important New Year Resolutions.  Here are a few to get you started:

1. Be thankful that you are not a Mets fan.  If you run into one, give them a hug.  They really need it.

2. When at a game, be mindful of your children.  If I wanted slimy, saliva-tainted cotton candy goo in my hair, I would have put it there myself.

3. Please refrain from cussing out loud at the game.  There are children all around with sensitive ears.  However, if their nasty, cotton-candy goo-infested hands land on you, this rule no longer applies.

4. We can all stop booing Jayson Werth now for moving to D.C..  His .232 batting average last season is punishment enough.

5. Start a petition to award Roy Halladay with the Presidential Medal of Freedom for his bravery in saving a man in the Amazon after an anaconda attack.  Could this guy be any more awesome?  I think not.  I have been up close and personal with such large snakes and can tell you, for Halladay to put himself in danger to save this guy was no small feat.  And yes, that is really me in the photo.

6. On Dollar Dog Night, limit yourself to a five dog maximum.  Take the other $15 dollars you saved and donate it to Phillies Charities.  Your stomach will thank you.

7. I pledge to spend more of my offseason time supporting the Philadelphia Flyers and the 76ers.  They have young, exciting teams and also deserve our support.  (Do not talk to me about the Eagles though…ugh).

8. Do not yell at the umpires for being blind.  The Americans With Disabilities Act says that blindness is a handicap and therefore, it is politically incorrect to poke fun at blind people.

9. For God’s sake, stop spilling your beer at games!  The puddles created from the morons behind you flow downward and under your seat, soaking whatever bags you laid there.  If you cannot avoid spilling your drinks, please go back to Kindergarten and relearn this skill.

10. Be kind to people, even if they suck or are cheering for an opposing team.  You will eventually get back what you give.

I wish you all a safe and happy New Year!

 

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Photo by Jenn Zambri Photography

 

Philadelphia Phillies Fans 2011 New Year Resolutions


240A2.jpgSpring training is still many weeks away, but it is never too soon to begin thinking about the upcoming baseball season.  For Phillies fans, the promise of the new quartet of ace starting pitchers and a ballclub full of rested, healthy players breeds excitement.

But before one becomes overwhelmed with anticipation, all fans should sit down and make a practical list of important New Year Resolutions.  Here are a few to get you started.

1. Do not grumble every time Ryan Howard strikes out.  You should expect this by now.

2. Do not succumb to peer pressure by participating in The Wave.  Sit on your hands if you have to.  I hereby declare The Wave to be officially silly.

3. Stop tweeting the game play by play.  If someone owns a computer and is reading your tweets, you are likely safe in assuming that they also own a TV or a radio for which to see or hear the game.

4. To show the compassion and understanding of all great Phillies fans, offer free hugs to Mets fans.  After all, they are human beings too.

5. Unglue yourself from the computer and swear off fantasy baseball.  You can in fact have a life.

6. On Dollar Dog Night, limit yourself to a five dog maximum.  Take the other $15 dollars you saved and donate it to Phillies Charities.  Your stomach will thank you.

7. For the men: Please wear a shirt to ballgames.  You are not as sexy as you think.

8. For the women: Has your mother never told you that crack kills?  Please wear pants that fit.  Some men may disagree, but all the small children and their parents at the game will be eternally grateful.

9. For the parents: Please buy the super-cool foam finger for your kid after the game is over.  If all I see during a Chase Utley home run is a red foam finger, I will be forced to sit in front of you and break resolution #8.

10. Do not yell at the umpires for being blind.  The Americans With Disabilities Act says that blindness is a handicap and therefore, it is politically incorrect to poke fun at blind people.

I wish you all a safe and happy New Year!

 

Photo by Jenn Zambri Photography

*Read more about the Phillies at my other home page, Phightin’ Phils Phorum in the My Team Rivals network*

 

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