The off-season is really starting to drag for me. The more bored I become, the stranger the things are that pop into my mind. I spend hours contemplating life’s mysteries. See for yourself; Here is Jenn’s 25 Things To Ponder:
1. Why are brown Labrador retrievers called “Chocolate Labs”? Is this like Easter bunnies? Are you going to eat them?
2. Why do commercials and other advertising media portray penguins and polar bears in the same setting? They live on totally opposite poles of the earth and in real life, would NEVER come in contact.
3. Also in real life, if penguins did encounter polar bears, the polar bears would eat them, not pass them a Coke.
4. When the Phillies signed Cole Hamels, why was there no, “Thou Shall Not Speak In Public” clause in his contract?
5. Why is every public restroom out of toilet paper? Have we not cut down thousands of acres of rainforest each year? Perhaps I should wipe with a chinchilla; they are endangered also. And soft as well…
6. Why does the phone only ring when I am in the bathroom?
7. If the plural of goose is geese, then why isn’t the plural of moose, meese?
8. If I walk and chew gum at the same time, am I some kind of genius?
10. Why are farts funny?
11. If the “Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you” thing is correct, then why, after numerous relationships, am I still flat broke?
- PS: In case you were wondering, the bank is closed.
12. If you are playing charades and you have a real heart attack, how long will it take for someone to dial 911?
13. The odds of catching a baseball at a Major League Baseball game are 776 to 1. The odds that your child will be a genius are 265 to 1. Odds that you will marry a millionaire are 200 to 1. I have caught many baseballs; this is good news for my kids, but where is my millionaire???
14. Why does it only rain when you have forgotten an umbrella?
15. And snow, when you do not have a shovel?
16. Am I the only person on the planet who wants to smack Miley Cyrus?
17. Why does this photo make me laugh until I cry?
18. Why does alcohol make everything happy? Or is it just me?
19. What exactly are the “Natural Flavors” in my Snapple Peach Iced Tea? If they didn’t just call it “peach,” it has to make you wonder…
20. Why is there a warning on a can of Lysol that says “Don not spray in eyes”?? Duh.
21. Why do packages of peanuts say “Warning: May contain nuts”? Well, if it doesn’t contain nuts, I’d like my money back.
22. How is it possible that I have 600 channels on TV and can’t find anything to watch?
23. Why does my cat think that my feet, while moving, would be a suitable place for a nap? And why is it, after hundreds of times nearly killing myself, that I never see this coming? Is my cat a criminal master-mind?
24. Why do celebrities spend thousands of dollars on a single suit or dress and then talk about starving kids in Africa, while wearing the expensive outfit? Guess how many kids you could feed with 1 dress? Hmmm….
25. If you scream in the forest and there is no one around to hear it, perhaps you should have stopped to ask for directions?
And for the football fans, I have also started a Miami Dolphins page, The Dolphin Pod! All Dol-Fans, and anyone else who wants to say hello is welcome!
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