Why Baseball Is Not Like Real Life
Just for fun, I am putting together some strange baseball facts, rules and stats which I will bring to you periodically during the off-season. Here is the first of many to come:
Why Baseball Is Not Like Real Life
· In baseball, you are expected to fail 2/3 of the time while batting. If you have an average of around .333, you are considered to be a really great hitter. In real life, if you perform your job correctly only 1/3 of the time, you are unemployed.
· Everyone on the team, even the coaches and managers, wear the exact same uniform. If you do this with all of your friends and go out in public, imagine the consequences… J
· The average life span of a major league baseball is 5-7 pitches. This is very similar to the lifespan of a Brittany Spears relationship.
· Consequently, MLB spends around $5,500,000 a year on baseballs; Spears and other celebrities spend about the same on legal troubles.
· Stealing is totally legal in baseball. What kind of example does this set, really?
· Batters can earn an RBI by walking while the bases are loaded – he never even has to touch the ball or swing the bat. In real life, if you do absolutely nothing and still collect a large paycheck, you are President of the United States.
· Dirty baseballs are replaced during the game with clean ones. Do they not realize they are playing on a field of dirt and grass? This is the ultimate optimistic move. Maybe this time, it will stay clean… J
· If you are a bad batter, you can have a “pinch hitter” do the job for you. If you are a bad runner, you can have a “pinch runner” run the bases for you. So I am wondering, can I get a “pinch housekeeper”?
· If a hitter accidentally whacks the catcher with his bat when swinging, it’s the catcher’s fault, even if the catcher is badly injured. The hitter even gets a reward – he goes to 1st base. The catcher gets to stay at home plate and hope it does not happen again. In real life, if you whack someone with a baseball bat, you do not pass GO, you do not collect $200 – you go directly to jail. Yes, even if you are playing Baseball Monopoly…
· By rule, pitchers may not spit on the ball. But spitting anywhere else? It’s open season. In real life, if you spit on the floor of someone’s home, you are likely to be tossed out and never invited back. Picky, picky…
· When a pitcher walks a batter, the batter runs or jogs to first base. Shouldn’t this “walk” be re-named? Then again, if I tell someone to “take a hike,” it’s not like they sprout boots, a backpack and a cane and begin wandering up a mountainside…
· The 7th inning stretch: Baseball is the only sport where the fans are required to do stretching exercises, apparently, so as to not pull any muscles when lifting their beer. Try this in a bar during a heated game of darts; you may soon be wearing beer.
· If the pitcher breaks a fingernail, it requires 3-4 highly trained staff members to determine if the injury is seriously enough to warrant resting that player for the remainder of the game so that he may recover. If I break a nail, please pass the nail file…
· In baseball, performance enhancing drugs are illegal. In real life, performance enhancing drugs are advertised widely on TV and the media encourages men to try them. Oh sorry, different type of performance…my bad.
Once again, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to add your own observations in the comment section below. Stay tuned for more fun baseball facts…
And for the football fans, I have also started a Miami Dolphins page, The Dolphin Pod! All Dol-Fans, and anyone else who wants to say hello is welcome!
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